Domestic abuse

It can be very unsettling to realise that your partner or ex-partner’s behaviour counts as domestic violence. Please remember that it can happen to anyone and nothing you have done justifies abuse.

The resources below are designed to help you understand what domestic abuse looks like, where it comes from, and the impacts it can have on the person experiencing it and their children.

The best available definition of domestic abuse is the deliberate pattern of behaviour known as coercive control. Although awareness of domestic abuse is growing in our societies, there are still many misconceptions.

Domestic violence is often only associated with physical or sexual assault. However it is often psychological, administrative, economic, social, post-separation, and/or parental in nature.

Our resources will provide you with concrete examples, to help you verify whether your partner’s behaviour, or that of a person around you, is considered domestic abuse in any of its forms.

You will also find information on services available to support and advise you. These services are sometimes available in multiple languages.

Understanding domestic abuse

You may be wondering whether your partner or ex-partner’s behaviour is normal. Or you may be worried about someone close to you. This guide is designed to help you to understand domestic abuse.

Understanding the impact of domestic abuse on you and your children

Domestic abuse can have serious social, physical and psychological effects. These effects impact the person who experiences the abuse and also their children.

Understanding why your partner is violent

There is no justification for abuse. Abusive partners have often experienced trauma that they have left untreated. But this trauma never justifies the abuse they inflict on others. Unfortunately, they are rarely capable of change, even though they promise they will.

Recognising perpetrator manipulation of the French legal system

Perpetrators deploy common strategies to discredit their victims and often use the legal system to continue their abuse. However, judges, police, media and society are all starting to recognise these manipulative tactics and patterns of behaviour.

Know what to do if you witness domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is not a private matter. If you have witnessed domestic abuse, or a victim has confided in you, your support could save their life. In an emergency, call the police on 17 or send them an SMS to 114.

Testimonials

When I arrived in France, I didn't speak a word of French, but my spouse didn't want me to take lessons. He didn't want me to work either. He told me he was going to take care of me. He controlled everything. I had to ask him for money every time I went to the supermarket. Even though it went on for years, it took him getting physically violent for me to realise there was a problem and I had to leave. The journey was long, but I ended up building an independent life in France.

“Maria” - Argentina - 43 years old

When he started to become violent, I was terrified but I didn't know how to react because I felt guilty and thought it was my fault. When I finally decided to leave him, he threatened to report me to the police because I didn’t have papers. I was completely trapped, but I was too ashamed to tell my loved ones. Fortunately, I found an association that helped me understand my rights and helped me on my journey. I am still rebuilding.

“Émeline” - Haiti - 29 years old

It took me a long time to realise how serious the problem was. People don't talk much about marital rape, and I didn't know what I could do as an expat. He was French, I was a foreigner: I had the impression that everyone believed him, and not me. Everyone thought he was so nice! Outside of our relationship he was loved by everyone and everyone thought he was the good guy and that I was the foreigner not to be trusted. When I think back to that time in my life, I can't believe it took me so long to react.

“Pola” - Poland - 36 years old